Living in the Desert

I'm not sure why, but I'm a little surprised by the spiritual dryness that I have been going through while I've been home. The thing is I know that part of it is my fault. I'm not putting the time into prayer like I should. I don't take time to foster an interior silence. When I'm alone in my room the music is on. When I'm driving to work the radio is blaring and at work I don my headset and listen to people talk for 8 hours.
The Carmelite Sisters in Covington said that they felt the Lord calling me "to be your own superior for a while, finding the will to be faithful to prayer in myself (=in Christ of course!) before you find yourself under obedience." This came from a conversation we had while I was visiting them in March. When I didn't feel like I was doing enough for God since I was getting Morning and Evening prayer in some days. Now I find myself struggling to meet the basic 10 minutes a day. I can't make it to mass and get enough sleep and the books written by saints which were once my comfort I now only stare at longingly, but picking them up even to thumb through a few pages is like pushing against a brick wall and often when I pick them up the prayer continues to be dry and empty.
This doesn't mean I don't think I'm called to the religious life. I know that this is just spiritual dryness at it's finest but I feel like I'm not doing enough to take care of it. I'm not sticking to my guns. I'm not giving Him enough time. I feel like I'm my own worse enemy.
Looking back on what I'm saying I can tell that it's time for me to brush up on my Ignatius rules of discernment. Paying close attentions to rule 6-9 which focus on surviving desolation. And thank God for rule 10 which gave me the preparation and strength I needed knowing that I would be entering desolation a long desolation before my entry into the religious life.
At this point it's a matter of saying. I can do this. I'm supposed to do this and my God and my Love is very real and very active. Even now. Especially now.

http://www.cfpeople.org/Books/Exercise/EXERCISEp15.htm